Tony Brizuela » Humor

Google Opt Out Feature Lets Users Protect Privacy

Tony Brizuela — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 01:22:10 +0000

Google Opt Out Feature Lets Users Protect Privacy By Moving To Remote Village

New Produuct From Sony

Tony Brizuela — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 03:00:41 +0000

Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work

If this piece doesn’t have a ring of truth around it regarding the majority of the gadget-making industry, I don’t know what does. [The Onion]

Prison vs. Work

Tony Brizuela — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 03:31:36 +0000

IN PRISON: You spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell.

AT WORK: You spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON: You get three meals a day.

AT WORK: You get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON: You get time off for good behavior.

AT WORK: You get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON: The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.

AT WORK: You must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON: You can watch TV and play games.

AT WORK: You could get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON: You get your own toilet.

AT WORK: You have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.

IN PRISON: They allow your family and friends to visit.

AT WORK: You aren’t even supposed to speak to your family.

IN PRISON: All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.

AT WORK: you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON: You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.

AT WORK: You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON: You must deal with sadistic wardens.

AT WORK: They are called managers.

Squirrels With Lightsabers

Tony Brizuela — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 03:27:50 +0000

What started as a great tool for opening walnuts, turned into a bloody battle for supremacy of the oak tree!

20 Things I Learned From Tech Support

Tony Brizuela — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 03:23:21 +0000

1. As long as the world turns, users will still have problems

2. Substance abusers and computer operators are the only folks called users. This isn’t by chance

3. When in doubt. Reboot

4. Sooner or later you will meet a person who types out the words “backslash” or forgets to plug in the power cord. If you haven’t yet, just wait, you will

5. Fear the phone. No one just calls tech support to wish you good morning

6. No user will tell you the whole truth at the beginning of a call

7. “I didn’t do anything” or “It just happened” Are the users mantra

8. As a support tech, it is your job to break down resistance and get the truth

9. This is so you can rub the lie in their face, fixing the issue is just a perk

10. Some people will never learn

11. This means you will always have a job

12. Maintain a calm voice, even if you’re screaming on the inside

13. The hold button is your friend

14. Whatever you do, don’t panic

15. The answer to all users questions should be “Trust me, I know what I’m doing” even if this is a bald-faced lie

16. Users can smell fear. Once you’ve lost control, all is lost

17. A user who is not listening to you anymore, but rather is trying “their own thing” is not worth your time. Simulate a telephone disconnect and hang up. Trust me, you’re better off.

18. Sometimes fixing a computer is easier than figuring out why it was broken

19. Users always want a reason things are fixed. If you’re not sure just lie. They won’t know anyway. “A stray electron passed through the processor and caused…”

20. If possible ask to speak to the youngest person present